Valentine’s Day Ideas for Your Husband - from Courtney

I love these simple Valentine’s Day Ideas for Your Husband from Courtney at Women Living Well.  It's a good reminder that it's not about getting more stuff for him - it's treating him with honor and thoughtfulness.  Happy Valentine's Day!

Great Marriage Books - repost from Women Living Well

I really enjoy reading Courtney's posts on her Women Living Well blog.  She has a gift for encouraging women, especially in their journeys as moms and wives.  I wanted to share her Top 10 Marriage Books with you.  I haven't read all of them, but they look really good. 

I'd also love to hear your favorite marriage books/blogs.  What has encouraged or strengthened your marriage?

Strong Marriages

Prov. 31:12 "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."

As we have spoken so much about marriage at 24 Church lately, I have put much thought into my role as a wife and what I could do to make sure that I am honoring God as much as I can in that area of my life. I feel as if I go through seasons of focusing on my role as a wife, coasting for a while, then realizing I have slipped in areas that I didn't mean to, and trying to fix things again. What a pitiful scenario! My hope and prayer over the past few weeks has been that I will keep my marriage a priority. And Prov 31:12 came to mind.

All of a sudden I began to wonder how I might be harming Chris. The easy answer was "I'm not." But God was not satisfied with that answer. "What about a lack of respect," He asked. Again, I thought I was covered. But God began to reveal areas in my thought life that were more harmful that I realized they could be.

I have always known that respecting my husband is one of the most important things that I can do for him. And I thought that because I wasn't outright saying disrespectful things, that I was doing a great job. But God began to reveal to me that the seemingly small, harmless, disrespectful thoughts that we have about or towards our husbands are going to grow a root of bitterness toward him that may tear us apart in the future. "How can he go have fun with his friends while I'm at home with the kids?" "Why does he get to rest today? I never get a break or a nap." "I only ask him to do a few things around the house, and he can't even do those simple things." You get the picture. These are just a few generic examples of disrespectful thoughts that we could easily have on any given day without realizing the harm we could be causing our marriage.

Rom 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

We must capture these thoughts and renew our minds! Practice makes perfect. When these types of thoughts arise, we must recognize the pattern, and make the choice to change it. Practicing the right types of thoughts will have our hearts working towards more respect...and our mouth will follow. "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matt 12:34b

This passage from "Real Marriage" (Mark Driscoll) really stuck out to me:  "If you married him, you must have seen something you appreciated and admired about him. We can develop new habits of biblical thinking by being thankful for our husbands' gifts and strengths, rather than being bitter about their weaknesses and shortcomings" p. 68

Take the time to observe your husband closely and journal or make a list of things you appreciate about him: working hard, staying faithful to you, spending time with your kids, being a friend, certain tasks he does, etc. Make the positive observations about your huband over the next few days or so, and share these reasons of why you love/repsect him in a special way that I will share later.

After I read Romans 12:2, I continued reading. In verses 9-13, I found an amazing picture of what our marriages could look like! Please read them...What if we made if one of our life's goals to do everything we can to make our marriages reflect these verses. Glory to God! What a beautiful thing!

Whether we like it or not, our lives and marriages are on display. Instead of being intimidated or embittered by that fact, we should find joy in this very serious priviledge that we have. God has given us an opportunity to shine His light on the subject of marriage. What an amazing gift, that if we focus on the marriages that we have been given, and do all scripture teaches on how to make them wonderful, God-honoring marriages, we will be doubly blessed. Our lives will be full, and our lives will help others' marriages as well. Praise God!

So here is the 2 part challenge :)

1. Write your hubby a love letter. Include the following:
-Resons we love/respect them from observations
-Rejoicing for joys and hopes in your lives/marraige over the past year(s)
-Praise/thankfulness for ways that you have grown and thrived from persevering through tribulation.

2. Love and repsect your husband in a few ways that you have been afraid to, have fought against, or simply not known to be important. Make some changes he will clearly see to be for him. Here are 6 areas to make some of these changes:  Appreance, Home Management, Intimacy, Words, Daily habits/routines, and Spiritual needs/prayer

May God be glorified in each of our lives. I know that our marriages are one of the ways He can be made known to us in great and mighty ways!

Love,

Erin

Book Review - Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together by Mark & Grace Driscoll

Mark and Grace Driscoll have just released a book together called Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together.  It is a refreshing, light-hearted, practical resource for building and maintaining strong marriages.  The couple humbly and openly shares pieces of their marital journey so readers can learn from their mistakes and find hope for growing strong marriages. 

They focus a lot on the importance of spouses grounding their relationship on a spirit of friendship.  They talk about humility and serving your spouse instead of demanding that your spouse meet your needs and desires.  They each write a chapter for their gender about being a dynamic husband or wife.  They talk a lot about intimacy and sexuality, and how to strengthen that aspect of your marriage.  The sex section even includes a chapter titled “What Can We?“ where they explore common questions related to sexuality and respond with answers to these three questions:  is it legal for Christians?  Is it helpful?  Is it enslaving?  They close with very practical and enlightening questions to help re-engineer your marriage.  The questions are very powerful and primed to help couples start a cycle of change. 

It is a great book for couples that are engaged, newly married, or even married for decades.  It’s great for pre-marital and marriage counselors, as well as pastors.  It would make a great small group study.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.  

How Media Impacts Marriage, Family and Life

Courtney at womenlivingwell.org has been hosting a series on media, faith, and family.  She started today's post with this quote from Tim Challies, the author of The Next Story: Life and Faith After the Digital Explosion:

“Our lives have become saturated with sounds and images flashing in front of our eyes, blaring into our ears…At work we spend forty hours staring at computer screens. at home we watch television or visit our favorite websites. Between work and home we check our route on the GPS and dash off a few text messages. Even at church we watch our pastors on screens before returning home to watch sermons on the Internet. Life is mediated by the screen.” p.89

Check out her posts below:

Media and Our Walk with God
Media and Our Marriages

Media and Our Parenting – Part 1

Media and Our Parenting – Part 2

Media and Our Homemaking

Media and Our Friendships

Media and Our Health

Marriage Challenge

With Valentine's Day only a few weeks away, here's a great marriage buildling activity.  Check out Courtney's 25 Day Praise Plan - Marriage Challenge at the Women Living Well Blog.  You will be inspired to love your sweetheart and practice showing him how much you care about him.

Love Languages - How They Impact Marriages

Our marriage has greatly benefitted from the simply study of Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  His work talks about the primary way that we like to give and receive love.  I would recommend reading his book or exploring his website, but here is a simple reflection tool to ponder which of the 5 love languages is your primary language.  (The italicized words are copied from Chapman's website)

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

§ Likes praise, encouragement, and compliments

§ Dislikes hurtful words and deceit

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

§

§ Dislikes distractions or attempting to multitask while listening

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

§

§ Dislikes thoughtless actions and forgotten moments will hurt this person.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

§

§ Dislikes irresponsibility and laziness

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

§

§ Dislikes isolation and inaccessibility 

After you consider your primary language, consider how it impacts your marriage relationship. 

How do you and your spouse express your love for one another? 

Are you communicating in ways that your spouse really hears?  

What can you learn from this to strengthen your marriage? 

Likes hugs, holding hands, kisses and physical intimacy Likes helpfulness - doing the laundry or getting a cup of coffee or running errands Likes to give and receive gifts – whether it’s a flower or a gift certificate or an extravagant gift Likes to give and receive undivided attention in conversation and activities

SHMILY - Love Your Spouse Well

My grandparents were married for over half a century and played their own special game from the time they had met each other. The goal of their game was to write the word “shmily” in a surprise place for the other to find.
They took turns leaving “shmily” around the house and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more. They dragged “shmily” with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers, to await whoever was preparing the next meal.
They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio (where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring).
“Shmily” was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath. At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper, to leave “shmily” on the very last sheet.
There was no end to the places “shmily” would pop up. Little notes with “shmily” scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows.
“Shmily” was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace. This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents’ house as the furniture.
It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents’ game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love, one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents’ relationship.
They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection, which not everyone is lucky to experience.
Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses, as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other’s sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble.
My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew “how to pick ‘em.”
Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune and each other.
But, there was a dark cloud in my grandparents’ lives: my grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier.
As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.
Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather’s steady hand, they went to church every Sunday morning. But, my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore.
For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.
“Shmily.” It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother’s funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time.
Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother’s casket and (taking a shaky breath) he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came (a deep and throaty lullaby).
Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. I knew that, although I couldn’t begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.
“S-h-m-i-l-y: See How Much I Love You…”
Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for letting me see.

A Letter to My Children About Marriage

Check out this encouraging and inspiring letter from Generation Cedar: 

A Letter to My Children About Marriage

Pray for Your Husband Daily

I love this challenge from Courtney to pray for our husbands daily.  Check out the simple list she has compiled that reminds us to pray.  And while you're on her blog, take some time to look through her other inspirting posts.

Wisdom about Marriage, Homemaking and Raising Children

Here are some of the blog posts that I've been saving to share with you. I had grand intentions of writing comments on each one, but it doesn't look like I'm going to actually take time to do that. So I'll just share the links. The ladies that wrote these articles are filled with wisdom - I hope you get to enjoy them!

Marriage
How To Be a Treasure To Your Husband from Women Living Well Blog
Frugal Dates from Frugal Hacks
Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations from Passionate Homemaking

Homemaking
The Making of a Homemaker from Desiring God Blog

Raising Children
Helping Your Children Get Along from Generation Cedar
Why it’s Important for Stay-at-Home Moms to Stay Home from Generation Cedar
Raising Your Children to Change the World from Women Living Well Blog

When A Loved One Dreams About Marriage - Questions to Ponder

Because most readers of this blog are married women with children, I almost didn't post this great article that I ready by John Piper tonight - Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage.

Then I started thinking about all the single people in my life that I would love to share this with, and realized that you could probably share this with people that are hungry to know God's will in their relationships.

I further realized that our teenage sons and daughters need to be pondering questions such as these, as they start to consider steady dating relationships and marriage. As we talk with our children, they need to know that finding a spouse is about so much more than just physical chemistry. They need to know that it's about finding a life partner, a soulmate, a best friend, and a harbor in this life.

While you might not show a young teenager this list of questions yet, the questions might help you find ways to talk with your child about choosing a quality mate to marry for a lifetime.

Blessings!

Goody Bags for Marriage Retreat - please share your ideas!

Reader Question:
I am in charge of creating 74 goody bags for an upcoming marriage retreat for my church, and I am in desperate need for some frugal, creative ideas on what I could put in these bags. In the past I know people have put little candy bars, a bag of microwave popcorn, a couple of packs of hot chocolate, tea bags etc so I was looking for ideas that might be something similar, but maybe a little different too. Would you have any fun thoughts on this?

A Few Ideas:

• Visit www.likemerchantships.blogspot.com - Meredith does a fantastic time being incredibly hospitable on a budget.
• Our women's retreat coordinators wrapped the following things in a cellophanebag: a mininotebook, a pen, a candle, peppermints, chocolate kisses,and a colored paper quote/scripture.
• A friend just suggested packing candies that correspond to questions: an almond joy - share a joyful moment in your marriage, a hershey kiss - something about your first kiss, snickers - laughs, lifesavers - when your partner has 'saved you' in public, Big Red gum- something that gives your marriage energy/passion.

Do YOU have any ideas? What would you love to find in a gift bag at a marriage retreat?

Fireproof and Love Dare

I've heard great things about Fireproof, but we haven't seen it. A few ladies in my Bible study are reading the companion guide to Fireproof. They really like the questions they ask spouses to discuss, and they highly recommend it.

So if you, your neighbors, or your colleagues have enjoyed the movie, you might want to look at the book too. A strong marriage is definitely a helpful part of being a great mommy!

Date Night on Youtube

My DH took my on a Youtube date night last night. We watched "The Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," by Randy Pausch. I'm so glad we took time to watch it. It's a dynamic picture-filled lecture given by a professor at Carnegie Mellon University who died last month of complications from pancreatic cancer.

It's a 76 minute talk about understanding your passions, and reaching for goals. It's about the brick walls that interupt our paths, and how they are just there to test how much we really want to achieve our goals. It's about accepting feedback and criticism, because it's a sign that people actually care about your work. It's about living life to the fullest - with passion, determination, and fervor. It's just a really good talk.

I think you and your spouse would enjoy watching it together. It's a great reflective piece on life, marriage and raising children.

Being a Great Wife

My pastor, Carter Crenshaw, taught earlier this month on “The Roles of Men and Women”. I loved the sermon, and I wanted to share pieces of it with you.


NIV Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." A woman’s role is to be helper to her husband. How can I be a good helper to my husband?

1. Love your husband
2. Love your children
3. Be sensible and pace yourself (If I push myself to a point of burnout, I won’t be good for anyone or anything!)
4. Nurture your family
5. Build and care for your home (see Prov. 31)
6. Be responsive to your husband’s leadership


Use wisdom with a man…consider a man’s key needs
a. A man needs admiration and respect
b. A man needs your support in his work and his dreams
c. A man needs a recreational companion (this one is challenging with young kids in the family)
d. A man needs physical responsiveness


“Nevers” in Relationships
1. Never submit to anything immoral or illegal with a man
2. Never hide abuse
3. Never nag (oh, this one is hard for women, isn't it!)
4. Never embarrass your man in public—but confront him in private!
5. Never stop encouraging your man—critics will line up at the door to criticize him. The line of encouragers is short!
6. Never treat sex in marriage as a duty. Always consider it a privilege.
7. Never lose interest in his job.
8. Never make your kids your top priority. Always keep your husband there.


I love my husband dearly, and cherish our relationship. I love that my pastor took time to exhort couples in their relationships. And I'm grateful for the challenge to love my DH and my family even better.

Date Swap - for the Weekend!

We're having a great date swap weekend.

Last night, my sweetheart & I went on a 7th anniversary date to see a concert, to enjoy happy hour appetizers and a decadent dessert. Our friends kept the kids overnight, so we had an extra long date!

Today the friends brought our kids to our house, and stayed to visit for the day. We live 30 minutes away, so we don't see each other as often as we like. A day of visiting was quite a treat! We made lunch together, enjoyed a bit of leftover rum cake, and played chickenfoot dominoes. They even watched our two minute wedding video, in honor or our anniversary, and we had a great time laughing at the cake smashing. :)

They left their kids with us for the afternoon/evening, and we'll meet them at church with the kids tomorrow.

It has been relatively easy (5 kids make a big mess!) and lots of fun (the kids are similar ages and they love each other so much!), so I hope we'll make a tradition of our date swap weekend. It's financially smart, and it's a great way to spend more with the people (spouses and friends!) that we love. :)

Spice up your Marriage

Christy just finished posting a wonderful series about spicing up your marriage. She shared 30 days worth of ideas - from light-hearted activities like stargazing, canoeing, dancing and sending love notes; to more serious things like reading Song of Solomon together investing in your marriage, and making your bedroom a haven.

The whole series is really good. Christy's writing is thoughtful, challenging, and humble. She's one of a handful of bloggers I've met in person, and she's a delightful woman. You can easily follow her links to read the whole series, and it would be a good coffee break read.

Date Night on the Cheap

My DH's brother and his wife took my DH and I to a wonderful birthday dinner a few months ago. We went to a fancy Phoenix restaurant, but sat in the bar during happy hour. We had a wonderful gourmet meal on the cheap and enjoyed wonderful company. They inspired me to research middle TN restaurants that offer appetizers/meals as part of their Happy Hour. Here's what I've found so far. I'd LOVE to hear of other restaurants that offer specials like these!

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Mortons Steakhouse 'Bar Bites, Monday - Friday 5 - 6:30pm and 9:30 - 11pm for only $4 per plate.

Sambuca: $2 bottled beer, $3 house wine, $4 martini, 1/2 price appetizers from 4:30 - 7 pm and complimentary wine tasting from 5 - 6 pm (tasting only on the 1st Thursday of each month)

Rhythm Kitchen: Social Exchange with drink specials and free hors d'oeuvres from 5 - 8 pm

Sportsman's Grille, Half Price Select Appetizers daily from 4PM - 7PM

Tayst - 4-6 p.m., six different small plates are just $4 each. The portion-controlled palate pleasers include tempura shrimp dogs; a mini-meatball sub; cheese, olives and toast points; wings and fries; smoked salmon rolls; and shaved lamb leg. Glasses of wine are reduced by $1.50, and all well drinks are $4.

Radius 10, http://www.radius10.com/, happy hour Mon-Fri from 5-7 in the bar, but also mention the ad in The Scene for 25% off the entire menu during the same time (entrees included). Their specialty is shrimp/scallops/grits . The bar menu,is $5-7, but during happy hour, everything on the bar menu is $2 off (Tuna tartare with tomato fennel jus and avocado sorbet is $5, and seared lamb skewers with chimichurri and tzatziki sauce are $4. b They also offer two-for-one domestic beers, well drinks and house wines.

Flyte, http://www.flytenashville.com/, happy hour 4:30 -- 6:30pm, tues-sat. 1/3 off appetizers

Living Simply

I just finished a wonderful library book called Living Simply by Joanne Heim. It was a delightful easy read, full of practical ideas for living a simple life. It was challenging, encouraging and inspiring all together. I thought I would share some of my notes with you:

How do we come to choose what it is that we spend our days doing? Would we choose it again if we could?” Did we choose it today, or has it simply carried us along somehow? 46

Living simply involves intention and purpose. It requires focus. It looks beyond the task at hand to the purpose behind it. Knowing the purpose can make all the difference. Packing lunches can be another chore to get done in the rush before school, or it can be a task undertaken to provide nourishment and energy for my children so they can learn all there is to learn that day. Cleaning my house can be an item on my to-do list, or it can be done for the purpose of making my home a place my family enjoys. Living simply involves changing our thinking, looking at our lives from a different perspective. It means stopping to ask myself why I am doing something and making choices that reflect my purpose. 45

Saying ‘no’ to some of the excess means being able to say ‘yes’ to others – and having the energy to pursue those things that have more and lasting value. 28

Satisfy me each morning with your love and establish the work of my hands today, Lord God. Order my day, arrange the tasks to be accomplished, prepare me for the conversations I’ll have. Help me sing for joy as I clean my home, read to my children, spend time with a friend. Number my day aright and help me pursue and grab hold of wisdom. 44

I can’t comprehend how one goes about making a sculpture like this. Michelangelo once said, I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” It sounds so simple: You just hold the chisel like this, give it a little tap like so, and voila! An angel. … In some ways, understanding the ‘how’ of simplicity is a lot like freeing the angel from the marble. Our lives are like chunks of marble: often unwieldy and weighted down by all the stuff we’ve acquired, commitments we’ve made, and complexities forced upon us that come from living in a world that never stops. But the quality of life we search for is in there somewhere, and so we start with the obvious things – getting rid of sharp edges, corners, and conspicuous flaws. We begin to consciously choose less, and in doing so we pare away more of the excess. We learn to say no and begin focusing on those things that bring joy, not stress. As we examine our lives, we focus on what is most important; soon, we begin to see the shape of it in our minds…and we set free the beautiful angel trapped inside. 30-31

I'll share more of Joanne's thoughts tomorrow - until then, you can visit her blog. It's also very encouraging.